Des (thagirion) wrote,
Des
thagirion

Review of the Fan Fic Subconscious

Ok, you guys know I always say I don't read other people's fan fics. Well I sort of broke my own rule a few weeks ago and regretted it. It was a reminder of why I must not break this rule again be the person a friend, stranger or enemy. No. Just don't. Most people don't know who to write. This is also a great example of why NOT to act on your emotions. I found a really great drawing on Deviantart of Fear from Inside out all tied up in the dark. I loved it because I've never seen anyone else do nasty things to this character like I do. I saw there was a link to a story and since I was so excited and I wanted more I decided to read it. Another mistake I made was to misunderstand the description that this drawing was an alternate ending. I read that. I did but I don't know why it did not register and here I go reading this expecting that scene to be the ending to a great story.

The story in question is this one on fan fiction . net. Another clue if I had had my wits about me that this was going to be bad. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11442310/1/Subconscious
There has NEVER been anything good on that site. None that I have heard of anyway. I'm proud to NOT own an account there. Why should I went I own a .com and a .org? I can post stories on my own website. But anyway to the review.

This is a story about Riley temporarily losing her fear after witnessing the death of a team mate on her hockey team. I had to read the first paragraph like three times to figure out what was going on. It wasn't well explained that this was another girl on the ice or from what point of view it was taking place. Too much was going on at once. At first I thought Riley was the one that got hurt. Really on first reading I thought she was the one that had fallen, gotten head trauma and was on her way to the hospital. I thought the emotions inside couldn't do anything because the body had completely shut down. I think this route would have been preferable as it leads to a loss of an emotion if you damage the correct part of the brain. It has happened and I will get to that later on. But no it was a team mate that fell on the ice while not wearing a helmet and got hurt. Riley witnessed the accident and saw her die. As a cold thinking type I don't think this would have affected me if I had seen this. Not unless it was someone I knew personally AND cared about. I have seen people get hurt and I have seen human corpses and not lost any of my senses over it. But we're dealing with feeling types including the author. It's possible Riley has been misunderstood from the start of this story. I can not say for sure on this yet as I have not analyzed her much.

The story then picks up and becomes rather interesting as the emotions try to figure out what to do and how to help Riley get over this traumatic experience. Way too many purple memories were produced so Fear feels guilty about it that this was his fault having inadvertently scared Riley too much. I love this take on it. This concept had so much potential as his role is the protector and to cause damage (the opposite of his job) would really mess him up. Joy was tempted to send all the memories to the dump instead of to long terms. Anger stops her though saying that you can just wipe out an entire day. He was right and from here out it is interesting that the villain of the story is Joy though she does not know it. Anger pulls the lever and over rules her sending the memories to long term anyway. That night Fear has dream duty but instead of allowing dreams to broadcast he keeps playing the death memory over and over all night. Joy is not happy when she finds this out and comes up with a plan to take advantage of Fear's trust in her.

I liked that the story mentions that their trust had only been betrayed once when Joy out right lied to him telling him that earthquakes were a myth just to keep him calm. I would have liked to have seen the scene where he finds out this was an outright lie. He remembered this when Joy asks him to trust her again but she convinces him to join him on a secret mission. Just the two of them took all the memories from that day and put them in the subconscious since Joy knew it was not right to toss them in the dump. They should just be buried. I like that it took them several nights for this to be accomplished and things seemed to go back to normal in the real world.

But when the memories were trigger by reminders in the real world again things went wrong. All purple memories started flying off the shelves literally. They were flying through the air and going into the subconscious. Funny as this scene was painted in my mind I also had a big problem with it. HOW is this happening? How did they suddenly become anti-gravity balls with a guidance system? This was never explained and that was a very bad point in the story. Another one of those, "It's magic" moments I can't stand.

Later on Riley reads the famous quote, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." She is taken by that quote thinks about it and then out loud says, "Then I no longer wish to know Fear."
Now this is my favorite part of the story but still could have been much better because Fear was not at the controls when she said this. To have him hear and see that would have traumatized him so much. It was Joy that was at the controls and she kept that secret to herself. But this was the key to everything. The next day the cops arrive on the train and take Fear away. They don't give him a chance to say good bye but tell everyone they get their orders directly from Riley and Fear is being relocated. I liked they were somber and not pleased about doing this but orders are orders. Fear had no idea this was a bad thing and went along quietly with them. All this time Joy still keeps quiet knowing that it's all her fault for moving the memories and for what Riley said to herself.

But to Fear's horror they don't take him to a new place. They lock him in the subconscious with all his lost memories. He's frightened and tortured by the creatures in there.

By chapter 9 the story was getting pretty awful. It's at at that point I wised up to not read everything. That chapter was extremely boring and annoying with unnecessary drama of the other emotions crying and missing Fear. Realizing how important he was after all. That they had under estimated him. That Riley was getting hurt because she lacked judgement and fear. But this chapter of all of them in Fear's room looking at his stuff, whinning and keeping it in his memory really bugged me. Assuming he was dead this practice is ridiculous. He would never know he was being "remembered" or "honored" this way. Too late for that. It went on and on way too long. Also when Joy eventually fesses up it's all her fault (and everyone's like "no it isn't") it also becomes unrealistic because of all the emotions I have no doubt Anger would have literally exploded and punched her. She would have been demoted and Sadness being second would have been placed in as lead emotion. I would have liked to have seen Anger try to kill Joy and Joy had to run out into the mind world and try to fix this mess she made. No one even knew where Fear was.

So now I'm skipping lots of stuff that was pointless and got to the part where Joy did go into the subconscious and finds him. This also should have been good but it was also ruined. It was explained that Fear was a prisoner in there for 3 months. THREE MONTHS! This is the worst part because one of two things would have happened.
1. He would have died of fright.
2. He would have gone insane to the point he would no longer be able to speak, walk or much of any use. Let alone push buttons and go back to his job.

But no he was eventually fine. And here is where it shows that the character was misunderstood. Joy asks him again for his help and he accepts. WTF? He still looked up at her as his hero. No no NO. Fear in the movie is an INTP personality type. Once you betray the trust of an INTP it's over. You're out. They may not have ill will for the betrayer (depends on the individual at that point. Some will some won't) but they will never trust them again let alone help them or do them a favor. And Joy betrayed him 3 times. The Earthquake lie, the lie about putting the memories in the subconscious and withholding information from the cops that she should be arrested not him.

So the two set off to find the memories and put them back and another annoying thing happens. Actually this happened when Joy first enters and is another example of the author not understanding the characters. There were memories of the parents fighting and yelling at each other. Of the feather being mean. This really irked me because one of the great things about this movie is that there is NEVER any family drama. Stuff happens to them that's bad but it's all external. The truck breaking down, movers lying to them, problems at work, problems with the house, problems with the neighborhood. But there are never any internal family problems. No yelling not blaming. Why would there be that? What reason would the dad have to yell at the mom? None. There's enough problems without them adding to life's mess already. I am speaking from experience. Chris and I never fight. We don't yell at each other. We don't blame each other. We have problems and we face them as a team and we support each other. This type of writing just shows how society does not understand the concept of what a marriage is about and how few good couples are shown in the media to the point that once they are people still don't get it. So may more points were lost for this with me.

So Joy frees Fear. I'm skipping paragraphs and chapters at this point. Cops aren't happy and are chasing them. They manage to catch Fear again. Now I should have really enjoyed this part because it was a battle scene. I love battles but I just could not concentrate anymore and I skipped to the end. I had skipped so much already anyway and from what I had seen I wasn't missing much. And the end was cliche. Fear is back and everything is happy like nothing happened but now he's appreciated and Joy is forgiven. Unrealistic GARBAGE. I'm GLAD I didn't read the whole thing. Rarely do I skip to the end of a story. Only when they are bad.

It's a shame this story had such promise. It did have it's good concepts and starts at the beginning but no matter how well a story starts a bad ending will always ruin everything.

I give this story a 3/10. I'm thankful I didn't read it all. Been needing to make this review and get this frustration off my chest. So the scene from the drawing that got me all excited didn't even happen because they never caught him and put him back. Really he should have died.

I was also annoyed because I began to associate Victorius song Black and White with this story. https://youtu.be/m15VtOMpfP8

Had the story gone how I imagined this song would have been perfect for it. As always I have to take things into my own hands. I have come away with this frustration so many times from movies and cartoons. Especially as a kid because they weren't dark enough, realistic enough or action packed enough for my taste. I'm thinking of writing my own story based on this. But I'm not sure I want it to be Riley's little wimp. Torturing a helpless character like that for no reason without a story is never good. Yeah for my own sadistic pleasure but to what end? It would lead nowhere. So I need to give this some thought and may actually do something really disturbing with Scary Fear instead. He's such a complex character that I'm hoping he'll have a diverse audience like Owen does. I hope Scary Fear is both loved and hated and my readers would be split about him. But we'll see. Need to work so much out still.

EDIT: I did ask how come Fear didn't die. The excuse was that emotions don't die. BS! The reason there are so few fearless people in the world is because they die quickly. They are difficult to study because they are non-exist. But I posted this article about the woman that had had damage to her amygdala. It does happen and she's the only know survivor.
http://thagirion.livejournal.com/865083.html

Though I question if she is still alive.
Then there are psychopaths. Think of them as evil Vulcans only out to help themselves but they have no understand of emotions or experience them. They do learn to mimic them to take advantage of human's innate instinct to work as a team. There are emotionless people out there. Now if you could reach the state of a psychopath but have built in morality sign me up for that. I think it would be great to be driven by nothing but logic and morality and be in a calm state all the time even in an emergency.

One last gripe. Formatting was atrocious. Didn't they teach this woman English composition and grammar? Paragraphs (if you can call them that) where broken in terrible places and dialog was spaced incorrectly and horribly making an already bad story more difficult to read.

Current Mood: Disappointed
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Tags: inside out, rant, review
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