Des (thagirion) wrote,
Des
thagirion

Keys to a working relationship

I have mentioned these in passing to many people but I think it's time to write them as an official article. There are five key points to a healthy working relationship. Any relationship; friendship, family, romance or business partnership. These are the foundation for a relationship becoming deeper and lasting a life time.

1. Communication
Communication is the most important part of any relationship. You become friends with someone by meeting them and talking with them. The more you communicate the better you get to know each other. Communication must be constantly kept up as well because if you aren't talking you aren't in a relationship. If you are not in contact with your friend it is no different as if they were not there at all or as if they did not exist at all. What about when there is a problem? Well that is the time to be in communication even more. It is extremely important to talk problems over and fix them as soon as they arise. Ignoring things is one of the worst things that anyone can do because problems do not go away. They become worse over time and the longer one waits to confront them the more difficult they are to resolve. Imagine this in a business setting where one person ignores the fact someone is not doing their job. This will cause performance to drop and affect other aspects of the team. If not dealt with and taken care of it could easily become a very serious issue that affects the entire company. Now can people be talking all the time? No of course not. But even this needs to be addressed by telling the other person or people involved that you are leaving because you have to work, you need a break, you're going on vacation or some other reason. Do not just disappear on your friends or partner with no good explanation. Again you are not there so it's no different than taking the coward's way out. And there is no respect in that which leads to the next point

2. Mutual Respect
In any relationship there has to be respect that goes both ways. If there is not you can not be friends or it is a one side relationship. The word friend is not something to throw around lightly either as it takes work to get to the status of friend. Mainly the steps involve here to know each other. So even extroverts that move fast need time to get to know one another in any relationship. I have been and am in relationships where someone calls me a "friend" but I do not in return. I do not know them yet or I do not trust them enough to fully open up and let them know me. Or will I ever. I have told people before I do not see them as a friend in return yet stupidly they still say they consider me a friend. A friend or a partner is someone that will be there for you and take time to think about you and talk to you. So in this case, this one sided relationship, we are not friends regardless of what they label me. It has to go both ways or there can be no going forward. Respect can be lost over time as well which leads to deterioration of the whole relationship. This leads to the next point. Trust.

3. Trust
Trust also has to be mutual. It is extremely important. You have to have no doubts about the other person nor they about you. You need to know that they will be there for you good or bad and stand up for you. That they can be called on at any time and that you can do the same in return. I expect my friends to be there for me. I fight for them gladly and ditch any that have done them wrong. I expect them to do the same and be there for me when I need backing up. This is true in the more serious love relationship and also in business. You have to count on your partner to stand with you against a rival company. It's a teamwork that makes you stronger. Yes one can face things alone and succeed well but it's always best to have help to beat down the opposition on all sides. Trust is like faith though. It's something both sides have to have. It can't be given or learned. It comes with self confidence. You should only have to ask once "Will you be there for me?" if at all. If you have to keep asking this then the relationship isn't there. Move on find someone better.


4. Common Ground
It is extremely important to have lots of common ground. Lots of mutual interests. Both parties have to be on the same side. Opposites attract only works for atoms, not people. The more you have in common the more you have to talk about and enjoy. Remember communication is key and if you have lots of things to talk about and agree on the conversations can flow which reinforces the relationship quite well. This is when it's a growing positive experience on both side. Sharing of ideas and thoughts even mutual hate is quite fun and enjoyable to share when you find a kindred spirit. If you have little to nothing in common then you only have reason to argue and fight. That's not grounds for a healthy relationship but an unhealthy one that leads to becoming enemies. Having an enemy is also a relationship and work but in this post we are talking about healthy relationships. Positive ones. So having someone to share things like the same movies, music, hobby, sport, political view, religious view etc is a wonderful thing. Having the same outlook on business helps partners work together to reach a goal as this gives them determination and support to make it to the end. Once that goal is achieved the partnership is strengthen further in a positive enjoyable way. Same thing in a romance. When both have the same common ground and the ability to back each other up this helps them through hardship and reinforces the pair bond in the end.

5. Temperament
This one is not as important as the other four but it is still important to find someone of a similar personality type as your own. This point is quite similar to number 4 but on a more personal level. Going by Myers Briggs it is a good idea to use the one letter difference rule. Mainly finding others that only have one letter difference so they are almost like you. For example I am INTJ. Introvereted iNtuitive Thinking Judging. It's important for me to find or have people that are either ENTJ, ISTJ, INFJ or INTP. I play very well with INTP's and ISTJ's actuall again provide the four points above fit. These types go about this very similar and work towards the same goals though the paths to reaching said goals night be a bit different. But these work together well with INTJ's...but not with each other. The reason Friends of Friends rarely works is because if a friend is following this rule then except for one the others will have at least two letters different which makes things much more difficult. Another good place to look is within your own temperament. For me it's the NT's. The rationals. So ENTP, ENTJ, INTJ and INTP would make good friends under the first four points. Yes this is true. The four Temperaments are NT's the Rationals, SP's the Artisans, SJ's the Protectors and NF's the Idealists. If someone is too different from you then you are fighting their personality and they yours and this does not lead to a healthy relationship.

A true friendship, romance or partnership should have no fighting. That's right. There should be no fighting at all. Sure there will be little problems come up and differences on how to do things but if you have lots of common ground there is no reason to be fighting each other. If all the points above are true then you have a team, yes even of just two people. The problems will come from outside, from life. There's nothing you can do to stop problems you face them together. But there never should be problems from within. If there is a difference there is a loss of respect. If someone tells you "to each their own" that is a load of BS. If they want a relationship they should be on the same page as you. So when you find these little differences respect drops on both sides and then you'll find more until respect is out the window and all else follows suit.

This is really a simple formula that should be common sense to most. Look to people who's relationships work and ask them why it works. Learn from the success stories and do not look to the failures. It's a shame that modern media has turned to the point of showing only dysfunctional families. People think that this is the norm but it is not. But this is also why I write my own stories. Though my stories are filled with tragedy and grief you'll find that the relationships in them are built on these strong principles that last for some an eternity. But it's life that causes them problems or other characters. Yes the relationships last til the end. That's very important.

Current Mood: Philosophical
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Tags: article, personality profile
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