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25 November 2014 @ 05:47 pm
Confidence can be intimidating  
I was chatting with gamma_wings on DA and the subject of being intimidated came up. When her and I first met there she told me she was intimidated by me. I noticed and I can pick up on this. She's not the only one that has experienced this around me of my friends. Well that's long since past now but yes initially it was there. Now I've never been mean to my friends or future friends when we first meet. There's no reason to. Of course you all know that if there is reason I will give people exactly what they deserve. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about just meeting people and talking about normal things. Normal for me being the geeky stuff I like. I mentioned to her that those that meet me for the first time in person after only having had an online relationship are also intimidated or nervous. One of the funniest for me was when I met my ex-friend kitora at Gatorland in Orlando. We were supposed to meet at those gator pits at the entrance. Well I wasn't nervous at all but she had told me she was. I hadn't seen her so I was just staring at the gators and enjoying myself. Chris having Fe was more aware of people around us and he noticed a frail looking girl just staring at me with fear and amazement as though she'd seen a celebrity. Well she thought of me as Thagirion so as though she'd seen a real demon. Hehe. He went up and asked if she was kitora and she nodded and then I noticed. I must say that was an interesting get together though she annoyed me from the start. I don't know why I kept her around so long.

But back to the subject at hand. I have had others, not everyone but most, that I have met tell me they were nervous about meeting me the first time and I've had to allay their fears. And once that's over and they get to know me things go very well. Funny enough when I have met people I look up to I have never felt nervous or intimidated. I have only felt excitement. I barge right in and ask for autographs thoroughly enjoying myself and asking questions. Also my intent with many of these people is not a one time autograph session but to say something to get their interest so much that they become a connection to me. People I keep in touch with on a more real level than just fan and star.

Well I am a very confident person and it may be two things. One I know the people I admire are human and if they just give me the chance to get to know me they'll admire and respect me in return. That is usually my goal when I want to meet someone. The other is because I am confident that intimidates others even if I have been nothing but nice. I know I tend to leave people star struck after a meeting. Most people, especially online aren't used to real confidence. Another of my hopes is that will rub off on them. I'm so thankful it did on Chris because when we first met he was not a confident person. Actually I didn't like him at first. I usually don't like most people that come to me first. But I gave him a chance and he didn't screw it up. As I say I always give everyone a chance to screw up. Well I will write our story one day. I've been meaning to for years but that's for another post. So Gamma was saying that it might also be my personality. Well that ties in with my theory as many sources cite INTJ's as the most confident of all the types. I'd say closely followed by ENTJ.

Of course this intimidation is unintentional and can be very annoying, though I have used it to my advantage many times too, when trying to make connections. I've talked to people that were so afraid they could not say two words back to me which only pisses me off and makes matters worse. It becomes a vicious cycle and the relationship is doomed to fail at that point. They need to fix their insecurity. Their problem not mine.

So what conclusion have I come to from all this? Well nothing solid so far only that I think that in an ironic way confidence breeds insecurity and is bad when trying to meet new people. But in the long run it weeds out the bad eggs so it's for the better and I wouldn't change a thing.

Please comment on this whether you've met me in real life or not. Where you nervous? And if so why?

EDIT: 1/11/2016 So it's nice to come back to this post over a year since I made it. I was thinking a lot about what I wrote here lately because I'm very much into Fear now both the emotion and my character. The ex friend that did not chime in here was Earthmother. She out right told me she was afraid to meet me because she was worried I would think she was fat, old and ugly. Sigh, we'd known each other a year she should have known I don't base friendships on looks or age even if all that were true. But I do not do well with people that are insecure and always afraid. After sadness/depression my second least favorite emotion is irrational fear. There is of course rational fear which I respect and think people need to have. Like the fear of jumping on a cactus. That's an in joke between some friends about a funny video I found. But yes I do not last long with fearful people either.

But back to the point. I'm very consistent and nothing has change for me. I still intimidate people unwillingly. I have given my own quality to Scary Fear that he hates it when others are needlessly afraid of him. When he wasn't trying to be scary. He hates it that then he'll give that person reason to be afraid. I think everyone I have met in real life so far that I first met online has been nervous or intimidated. But if they can just get over that they'll see I am fun to be around and there wasn't never anything to fear. Being afraid makes things worse. It's something I can not relate to nor do I wish to as I just do not have that feeling when meeting someone new I WANT to meet. Those I consider close online friends it's always my goal to eventually meet them somehow.

I was just going through my art and found this line I wrote about my own Fear.

And since he's scary Fear I have found I have a bit of an intimidation factor because of this even though I do not try to come off this way. For some reason I do. From what I have observed that's tied to confidence which people aren't used to.

Since my Fear is tied to my confidence then that explains why I'm unintentionally intimidating. It's nice to have some sense and closure on this now and I'm very glad developing Scary Fear helped me realize this. This is also a great example of something to not dislike about myself, but accept and work with it. Which I do. To me it is not a flaw just an inconvenience sometimes. That comes with self acceptance and self love.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
gamma_wings: Paramecium friendgamma_wings on November 25th, 2014 11:08 pm (UTC)
Well I haven't met you yet in real life... but do want to someday. At this point I can't say whether or not I would actually be nervous to meet you, if yes then it's mainly because I haven't met any other online friends in real life. But other than that, I'd just feel really excited.

I'm no longer even sure why I feared you back then. Looking back, there really was no reason to fear you. The stuff you did was for my own good. Buut your confidence may have been a part of it. And I possibly also feared flame wars, but I was new in general back then, sooo yea.

But now I of course don't fear you, I feel safer having you by my side, actually. Having a demon by my side is certainly great. I consider you one of my closest friends on DA, along with Cyp. And frankly I admire you too, you're one of my biggest role models on here. Ok... the biggest. And yes some of your confidence did rub off on me. Before we met, I had a lot less confidence.

Haha, you met kitora. xD Yes I bet she did see a demon that day. Considering that you are the Demon online, hehe. Well at least you got rid of that annoying girl now.

So... though you are intimidating to those you meet, I must say that it simply acts as a filter to keep the bad people out. Only those that don't get scared away by your confidence stay, and frankly, those guys are likely to be very good friends.
Des: Destina and Gomezthagirion on November 25th, 2014 11:20 pm (UTC)
I'm confident we will meet. Especially if you visit Orlando next summer. It's fascinating how Gatorland seems to be my ideal meeting spot for online people but it's a great location that's a good public place for that first time encounter. I hope we do and I am looking forward to it.

I'm glad you realized what I did and said was for your good and that you are no longer afraid. I always will back my friends up especially when they have been wronged.

Having a demon by my side is certainly great

Aw thanks. I consider you one of my closest online friends too. I'm happy to be a good role model for you as well. It is a responsibility and some people do not realize what that means. I'm glad it rubbed off on you as well. You have improved as a person since I first met you and as you know when you become a better person you lose friends but make new ones.

Yes. I must post the pic of us if I can find it as it's so funny and you can see the big difference in personality just from a photo. But it's a printed film photo so I'd have to find it. Who knows where it is. So yes she got to meet Thagirion.

Gosh remember that idiot borg queen? Good riddance. She got so afraid of me she closed her account. It's annoying but it's also a power trip. I first encountered that with illucian. So yes it's best these people get weeded out to make room for those that are better.
gamma_wings: Kestrel sonagamma_wings on November 25th, 2014 11:36 pm (UTC)
Yes, I certainly hope we get to meet, too. :D Though it's not very clear at this point, it's very possible we'll get to meet next summer. Ah so you met more people at Gatorland than just kitora? :D Well it seems like it is a pretty good place for first encounters. I'm looking forward to meeting, too. I'll bring my paramecium along, hehe.

Yep, I realized that some while back. I know that you give only good advice, and that it's for the better in the end. So yes, I'm definitely no longer afraid. Yes I do like that you look after you friends, I think that's a very good thing to do.

:D You're welcome. ^^ Aww I'm glad you do. It's great that we both consider each other as close friends. I do know that for some people that doesn't go both ways with you. Yes you've definitely been a good role model for me. Yes unfortunately there are a lot of people that don't understand the responsibility of a role model, that's certainly not a good thing at all. We both know a good example of what bad role models are responsible of... not good. Thanks, I find that a good thing that I improved as a person since we met. It's too bad that some people don't end up listening to you and stay as bad as they always were. Well I'm not like that, I've definitely learned from you and I'm glad to be a better person than I was before. Yep, but fortunately it's all the bad friends that go. Only the true friends stay. Like with you, unstable people don't last long with me...

Haha, I hope you eventually find that pic. xD It would be neat to see just how different you two are even by appearance alone. I'm assuming that she just looks very insecure, hehe. Yes... "lucky" her. She met Thagirion! xD

Yes I do. I still can't believe her horrible grammar. All the plural pronouns! And yep she's a coward, too. Closing an entire account just because of you, haha. Yes indeed it is. Those that don't pass were never worthy of it, anyways.
Des: Fungus Yes I AM the Best!thagirion on November 25th, 2014 11:51 pm (UTC)
I also met BadCowboy there for the first time. That would be cool. I'll bring one of my microbes too. I hope I'll have a red blood cell by then. I should. I don't know yet. Might have more in the future.

Yes that's true. I know a few people have considered me their best friend when I did not feel the same way at all. That's still the case with some people but they're at a high enough friend level that I don't mind. It used to bother me a lot that people didn't listen to me. Why wouldn't they when I'm right and I always end up saying "I told you so." Eventually I quit being annoyed, though I still get annoyed sometimes, as they will find out anyway. I lost friends because they got sick of me being right all the time about what they didn't want to hear. So I love my Malcolm icon of "Boy I hate being right all the time."

I'll have to look for it. Well it didn't help her that she was so ugly to.

Hehe and I didn't even say anything to her it got to her mind same as illucian who closed everything she ever had. I really like that.

BTW, totally off topic. You have a DVD player right? If I sent you a movie as a gift would you watch it?
gamma_wings: Puffingamma_wings on November 26th, 2014 12:04 am (UTC)
Ah I thought that you met Badcowboy there. That would certainly be cool. :D We can be microbe buddies, hehe. I'll need to come up with some good microbe puns. XPP Maybe I'll call every parrot I see a "parrotmecium" or something, lol. Ah hopefully you will get a red blood cell then. :D Those guys are adorable.

Yea... I can imagine that it can be a tad annoying. I have seen people that seem to be too clingy towards you. And well, I know that feeling. As you know I was once "friends" with this stupid girl, and yet I never felt like she was ever my BEST friend. I don't blame you for being bothered, and I agree that does seem perplexing. One would think that people would choose what's right, but I suppose that's not always the case. I guess doing what's right is too hard and "mean" for some people. Oh well, their loss. Well if you lost them for you being right all the time, then they were never good friends to begin with.

Hehe, well that doesn't seem all that surprising at all. I'm sure I'm prettier than her.

Yep... sometimes it's amazing how cowardly some people are. Well them leaving is for the better.

Yep. And yes I would definitely watch it. :D
Des: Hyacinthsthagirion on November 26th, 2014 12:16 am (UTC)
Yes since she's from Orlando it was a great place for the first meeting. I'm an hour out of Orlando so not a bad drive. Yes microbe jokes would be great. I'm not so good at coming up with puns. That's that spontaneous thing I just can't really do. Yes the red blood cell looks so surprised. Heheh.

YES that Russian girl was so clingy she was scary and a stalker. Good gracious! And being blunt didn't work on her WTF? "I DONT LIKE YOU!" "What are you saying?" AAAAAA!!!!! I don't know how to be more clear than that. Glad she finally figured it out and went away.

I think anyone is basically prettier than her. I remember that drawing of yourself that was all blue so yes.

Ok good. I have a few ideas but didn't want to go out of my way if you weren't going to use them.
actipton80actipton80 on November 26th, 2014 01:08 am (UTC)
I remember that I lurked for a long time before I started posting here, but I don't think it was due to intimidation, but more due to me wanting to observe first and talk later. There are some things I'm confident about and others I'm not, and I have lost and gained confidence several times in my life. I don't think you are intimidating, and I have met you in real life. I did get excited to meet you at the train station, and sometimes excitement does weird things to me, but then all strong emotions are rough on me, even the good ones.
Desthagirion on November 26th, 2014 01:33 am (UTC)
I sometimes lurk to check people out too to see if they are worth the effort. Sometimes I can't tell and have to take a chance. Yeah same here but I think that goes for everyone. Yes I'm the same way. I had LOTS of happiness and excitement today. I'm going to be tired very soon. You'll see why soon.
kabuldur: Asterkabuldur on November 26th, 2014 10:00 am (UTC)
I have never met you in real life but it never occurred to me to be intimidated! On-line I think you are very nice. I think we'd get along IRL, too.
Desthagirion on November 26th, 2014 12:35 pm (UTC)
Aw thanks. I think we would too. I often think about visiting you.
kabuldur: Asterkabuldur on November 27th, 2014 11:24 am (UTC)
That would be cool if you could come to this country and see the desert and budgies in the wild and stuff :)
badcowboybadcowboy on December 30th, 2014 05:02 pm (UTC)
Heh, seems like the Gatorland meeting grounds is mutual ;) I wasn't intimidated that and am not now. It's rare for me to feel that way about anyone, especially a girl. I'm mostly like that with the bosses at work, but I think that is common. That day I met you I was nervous because I always feel awkward meeting new people. I am always worried they're not going to like me off this magic screen even though what you see here is basically what you're going to get. I might not be as eloquent with my words in reality, but that's only because talking like that sounds retarded, but looks cool on paper XD I also have the fear of screwing things up when I hang out with a person the first few times. I'm even like that with people I work with. Our first outings I'm generally quiet even though we talk like mad at work. I'm weird. I also saw my long lost friend in you. I know you don't think so looks wise, but something about you did strike me with that. She also had a similar personality by giving me a kick in the ass when I might need it. I'm not intimidated by folks like that, but rather respect and appreciate more. I know you won't poof on me like her though. She started the relationship off with lies and god knows how many more there were so good riddance as you would say.

Still, I always get worried I will say something stupid or act stupid and the person I'm meeting for the first time or hanging out with will think OMG she's a freak and not want to hang out any more. It's a complex of mine and I'm trying to get over it.

I know you weren't feeling well that day either and I picked up on it and felt bad. I am glad you tried at least and I did have a grand time and wouldn't mind heading back there again some day. I'm glad with all the things we've done so far and it's like we never run out of things to do or talk about. That's always a plus. Glad you didn't think I was a doof and glad you're still around ;) Looking forward to our next visit too!
Desthagirion on December 30th, 2014 08:13 pm (UTC)
It's a perfect place to meet for a first time and I may meet Gamma there.
I noticed you were nervous and you're not the only one that worried about me not liking them for silly reasons that aren't important to me. I don't care about how people look, how old or young they are or things like that so long as we are alike and get along. I'm no so eloquent in person because I suck at it. If I could speak how I type I would never lose an argument. Hehe but I can't think fast enough or analyses words when they are sent at me so fast and I can't visually see them and break them down for analysis.

No physically I think you're wrong about that person and so does Chris as I showed you the pic. And yes our relationship isn't on a foundation of lies so much better. Gosh yeah it's a shame I was messed up that day but I wanted to make it work so I went out despite how I felt. Yes I look forward to our next get together. I foresee a gaming session.
badcowboybadcowboy on December 30th, 2014 08:24 pm (UTC)
Haha...well, thanks. I am just weird like that. I have friends I've worked with for years and soon as they invite me outside of the work environment I get nervous like that. The guy that helped me with your macaw, well, we are involved with nature things and every time I join him I'm nervous. Maybe it's because his family is around and I really don't know them? But that's just goofy me. I can know a person for years and soon as I'm out of the comfort zone boom I turn nervous like that. I really wish I could stop that.

Speaking of gaming I need to get you on RDR one of these days so I can try out the headset I told you about. If it's stupid I have to take it back. All electronics are given a grace period after Christmas instead of when they were bought.
Des: Gamingthagirion on December 30th, 2014 08:57 pm (UTC)
Huh, yeah I'm only uncomfortable in odd situations and people I don't know or care to know. Like a party. But someone I've met I'd only be uncomfortable if the area we were in was questionable.

I don't know if I'll ever go on there. Like I said we were going to retire the PS3. It's still out though so I could. I wish we had another TV actually. That would be cool to have you bring your playstation and we could play in the same room and see both points of view.
badcowboybadcowboy on December 30th, 2014 11:48 pm (UTC)
Oooh haha that could be fun to do with two systems actually Wow As long as you'd know how to hook it up. Since I didn't hook this one up I'd have no idea how to properly do it. It sucks that I didn't pay attention to anything my "roommate" did when rigging up things like that because now I'll be lost when he leaves.
Desthagirion on December 31st, 2014 12:25 am (UTC)
Yes I can figure it out. It's way easier now than back in the old days. Also I have experience hooking up home theater systems. Wanted to make that a job back in the 90s but that never took off.
gamma_wings: YouTube Hawkgamma_wings on January 14th, 2016 12:34 am (UTC)
Well, who could have thought that I'd react like just about any of your online friends when first meeting you. I wasn't sure if I would be intimidated, but I was, fortunately I got over it quickly enough. Maybe it's just I wasn't sure what to expect, and in that moment of confusion fear sneaked in. I am pretty sure, that the next time we meet up I will not be afraid. Since we have already met once, and I really enjoyed talking to both you and Chris.

I'm not surprised you weren't afraid. Not only did you do this many times but you're also one of the most confident types out there. Well, unfortunately I'm still not the most confident person out there yet, but your confidence has been rubbing off on me. Especially when it comes to being online. It is true that if someone keeps being afraid a while after the first meeting then it gets annoying, since there's indeed no real reason to fear you. And to be so scared as to downright not want to meet you, well, clearly they weren't such good eggs anyway. I don't understand people who are so afraid they can't even talk. When I get scared I can usually say something, but then again, I never remain in fear after a few minutes anyway so...

As for celebrities, I never met any. I'm not even sure what I'd say if I met one of my idols, heh. I'd either get really excited or slightly frightened. I would have loved it if they'd respect me back however, so maybe it's best I get over that fear and actually talk to them about something... when I get the chance to that is.

I am not surprised that Fear illustrates this facet of your personality, the fact that he gets annoyed by people constantly being afraid of him.

Hah, the jumping on the cactus thing. Poor cactus. XD
Des: Fearthagirion on January 14th, 2016 02:12 pm (UTC)
I could sense that in you. After saying Hello and mentioning a few things I noticed you stayed silent after my pause. So then I started to talk about something else and finally got a response out of you. I had many topics so I knew something would loosen your tongue. By the time we made it around the gator pits you were doing great. I'm glad you didn't stay in a fear state. But now it's all fine and this does happen to everyone it seems. I do hope we can meet again. I know with all the stuff happening this may not be a good year after all. But we will.

I'm glad my confidence can rub off on you. I always hope to lead through example. Chris was very insecure when we first met. I definitely helped him with that and he's totally different now. To the point I forgot INTP's are driven by fear. I recently met one that confused me as I could have sworn was INFP til she told me otherwise. I don't get that either. People get so scared they can't say anything. My reaction to that is confusion at first then annoyance. I'm glad you don't stay that way.

Who are your heros? I REALLY would love to meet David Attenborough but times running out with him. He's very old now. Gosh I'd love to meet him. I always hope I can impress people I admire. OMG I just remembered that I can scare people I look up to even. I need to tell you the story sometime of my ornithology professor. I came on way too strong and now I know he was an INTP. Poor guy. I know I have to keep a lid on that and not show too much to scare them and ruin the original goal of impressing and gaining their respect.

He does show that so well. I need to make that drawing about it already. And then the after effects of it.

Oh gosh I hate that kind of fearless stupidity. Yes poor cactus. Haha.