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14 December 2012 @ 12:31 pm
So much for ESFP kid  


That Mike kid has been getting really annoying and despite my warnings he didn't listen. I had explained to him that we are introverts and to not come over and not call all the time. I got tired of him asking for jobs too and I told him more than once that if I need him I'll call him because I'm not going to have him out here if I can't pay him. He's an ESFP so he's a Homer Simpson type and one of those what I call "puppy dog" friends that won't leave you alone. You know puppies are so happy to be with you they follow you everywhere even to the toilet. That's what these people are like. I explained to him that we're introverts and we need lots of alone time. To not come over even if he was a friend. I don't even want friends coming over unexpectedly. The other day he came over around 9:15AM and I hadn't even started my morning routine and I was groggy. He wanted to tell me a story and I told him no. Later. He didn't wake me up but I wasn't ready for company. I never am in the morning. I love my quiet mornings and want no one or nothing to interrupt my alone time for those first few hours. The rare times the birds are quiet I really relish it. So he came back later or the next day to do some work. He was so over excited and wanted to do the whole yard which is a big job. I told him just to do the hummingbird garden that that alone was a $40 what I could pay him. He could do everything but not in one week. He'd also be dead from exhaustion.

I told him about the guy last year and the problem we had with him leaving. And he went on and on about how wrong that was and that he'd never do that and that we could count on him and he always finished his jobs. He was also overly grateful to have met us saying we were more than neighbors we were great friends. He was so glad to have met us and that we were so wonderful, thank you thank you thank you. Puppy dog friend was in full swing. Chris was already annoyed more than I was and I mentioned it was neat to see a grumpy INTP because that's kind of rare. Grumpy INTJ's are the standard but not grumpy INTP's. But I would deal with him because some how he was mostly my problem. I don't want Chris getting annoyed. Bad enough I already am. In all this "gratitude" I never once said that I felt the same way because even though I was his friend he was not my friend. I still consider him an acquaintance. It's crazy how extroverts, especially EF's just let everyone in and assume it's that easy to make friends. No friend status is just as difficult to reach as a love relationship. To me he's still a hired employee with a bit of a higher status because he'd helped out. But really I have been more of a friend to him by having helped him with the dog bite situation (I didn't have to do that) helping him understand his brother better (they got into some fights because no shock ESFP intruded on ISTJ's private time or time with his few friends). We introverts react very badly to that. He was telling me he didn't like how his brother "Changed into a different person". I told him he didn't change. That he reacted normal because ESFP has horrible timing and doesn't think before he acts.

So today I was enjoying my morning time on LJ when the door bell rang twice. GAH! At 8:30 in the morning. I ignored it. Then 15 minutes later he calls me. Now I've had it. I pick up and he wants to work early. I told him no, and that I heard him ring the doorbell but didn't answer because I'm groggy. I told you not to come til after 10:30 or 11 and you came earlier today than last time and you didn't get the message when I didn't open the door. Then he goes, "Can I say something? I just want to let you know I can't finish the job. Sorry. Don't call back." And he hung up. WTF? He's upset because he intruded on my time when I told him more than once to not come? I had written up a letter I was going to send him because it's very cowardly of him to not let me speak, which he always talked over my sentences anyway. I almost sent it but then decided not to because he probably won't read it and it would be a waste of a stamp. I know he'd either tear it up without opening it or put it back in my mail box. I just saw it coming. I wish I had gotten his email because I sure would have sent it to that. Here's what I was going to say.

Mike,

What you did on the phone was very cowardly, by not letting me speak and not explaining yourself. So here is my response to you which is my right. I do not appreciate people that can not tell me straight out why they would run out on a job. I see you no different as the guy that came last year and left the mess in our yard. Granted the mess you left (the white arbor pieces) was much smaller. No problem it is small enough that we can remove it ourselves. That is all that was left to do so no, now you do not have to finish the job. Clearly none of the things you said about honesty and integrity were so. Your loss. We get to keep our money now. Bad move when it’s so hard to find work in this age. I gave you your chance to mess things up and congratulations you did. Work on that communication since it’s a problem. And learn to listen. Unlike you did with us I will respect your privacy and not contact you again.

Des


I really wish I had gotten his email, though he says he doesn't know how to use it. He's a bit of a 3 watt so he'd probably never get it there either. I wanted him to know this was just about the job and nothing else and how irresponsible and cowardly he's been. I only have one stamp left and need to use it on someone that matters.

Something else I've noticed about most EF's that I can't stand is how huggy they are. The night he left and I told him what hours he could come he was gushing to us about how great we were and I think he gave Chris a hug. I don't remember. I was on the couch because my back was acting up and he comes in for a half hug and I blocked him. Those moves I learned in karate are very handy. I told him I'm not a huggy kissy person. I hate that from our Spanish tradition. Then he said something that pissed me off, "Oh I'll keep trying and break through." I go, "I've punched guys bigger than both of you and sank them. I nearly nailed Chris early in our relationship when he tried to steal a hug." That made him realize I meant business. When an introvert tells you they aren't the touchy feely type it's not to be taken as a challenge but as a warning. And if you grab me I will remove you from my being. This had nothing to do with what happened, I've just been meaning to rant about it.

I'm glad he's gone and Chris is even more glad when I told him on the phone. Like he said, this is our inter sanctum and we don't want anyone over unless we say so and that will probably happen once a year. The only reason I'm upset about this is that I hate people that go back on their word. They say they are one way and then they are not. That is why I told him I give everyone a chance to make a fool of themselves or a chance to screw things up. You have to because there are those few that back up their words, but they're so hard to find. I didn't lose a friend, I only lost an employee. Easy enough to replace. There are lots of people out there looking for work right now. The yard is half done which is great so I don't need him. I don't need anyone. How many times have I said that? More proof that opposites don't work out. Good bye Homer Simpson.
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The Silver Wolf of Darkness: Kurtz Not Amusedsilvolf on December 14th, 2012 06:10 pm (UTC)
Ergh I have a puppy dog friend. Luckily he's just an online person. He lives in the UK and texts me and he was fine to begin with till I found out all the problems he has and he's trying to escape by being close to a friend. I just ignore him half the time. Then he goes quiet. I like him but he can smother me and it bugs me. I like alone time too. I get stressed if Mum keeps talking to me while I'm listening to my music and drawing. I am in my little zone and enjoy being alone with my thoughts and music while I draw.
I quite like hugs, though I didn't used to at all. But only from people I permit to hug me. Not from strangers. Easy way to anger me is to be an aquaintance and keep trying to hug me. I would have been annoyed at his remark on hugging too.
And turning up so early in the morning, when you asked him not to, is way out of order. It's better he's gone.
Des: Don't Taunt the Tigerthagirion on December 14th, 2012 06:35 pm (UTC)
Annoying puppy dog friends are best to be rid of them. I'd get rid of your "Friend" if I were you. That makes total sense you need your quiet time in your room with your music. You're an introvert too. Right now it's very quiet here and nice. Only a couple of birds are chirping outside, but I'm not relaxed because Mike ruined my morning time to absorb my much needed energy and my time to relax to face the day. I'm in fight mode now and that takes time to come out of.

I don't like hugs from anyway and I had to learn to accept them from Chris. He's really the only one and may-be one other friend. Those extremely rare times where I fully trust someone I will throw myself into open arms but few will ever see that. I don't like being touched.
Yeah that makes sense because they haven't won your trust and aren't worthy of hugs yet. Won is a bad word actually. They haven't proven themselves worthy of your trust. Our trust is never won over but earned. That's one of the problems extroverts have. They think it's a matter of winning over when it's about earning respect.
Yeah, you show up so early at a tiger cave. What did he expect?
actipton80actipton80 on December 14th, 2012 07:31 pm (UTC)
I'd tell him to get lost too. I don't have any friends like that thankfully. I don't mind clingy dogs because it goes with dog territory, but touchy feely clingy people need to earn my respect and ask for my permission before smothering me. There are touching things that I hate worse than hugging though, like when people bump into me and than rub all over my shoulder while they are apologizing to me. That light touch they do makes me want to tear my own skin off because it itches so bad, and it still feels like there is something there after they have taken their hand away.
Des: INTJ Death Starethagirion on December 14th, 2012 08:15 pm (UTC)
Yeah, he was causing more problems than it was worth. It's not easy to annoy Chris so that's bad. Yeah, some dogs bug me. I don't like little tiny yappy dogs. His father breeds Chihuahuas so that tells you something since he likes those kinds of dogs. I like dogs they way I like people, calm, confident and aloof. That's why I want a Doberman. So puppy like people bug me too.

I totally understand you. I don't like being touched on my hands because they are very sensitive. I hate it when anyone touches my fingers when they hand me something. No point the object at me don't grab me. I went to Starbucks to get a coffee and the guy handed it to me and somehow rubbed his thumb on my thumbnail when I was grabbing the cup from him. I HATE that. I had to rub my thumb on my shorts over and over to get the feeling off. I know, it leaves a feeling impression that won't go away. Yep, I don't like being touched.
Cheezey: Excuse me while I kill...cheezey on December 17th, 2012 01:19 pm (UTC)
Oh man, that guy sounds really annoying. I'm an INTP and someone like him would get on my nerves, too. I just tend to be the one who stays polite longer out of me and my INTJ husband. Part of the reasoning process is, "I don't think they mean to be annoying, that's just how they are," and it keeps me tolerant of it longer, since I will just ride it out if it's short-term and be glad when they leave. Meanwhile, Coldwin is like, "He may not mean to be annoying, but he is, and I don't want to deal with it."

On the hug thing, it's really rude to invade people's personal space. If someone says they're not huggy, how hard is it to respect that? That's what a real friend would do. Argh. People like that are obnoxious.
Des: I Thinkthagirion on December 17th, 2012 06:01 pm (UTC)
Hehe, yep I would say the same thing Coldwin would. Since our relationships is the same, only genders and ages are flopped, it is Chris that is way more tolerant of people though he still doesn't like it. But to see this guy get on his nerves made me realize I would have to deal with him myself or just get rid of him. Turned out the be the latter and for the better.

Yes, it is not a challenge for them to try to hug more. But there are so many grabby people out there that take it as such and don't know anything about respect.